How does the first part of my story sound?

dress color horizon image

Dimitri

"There it was, the golden ball rising from blue hills not far from my house. It was thrown from the joyous Prince across the world, but he threw it too fast. The ball caught fire and ignited fiery reddish orange. My muscles coiling with vigor, ready to throw back the inflamed ball, my fingers reaching out to greet it the moment it thrust out of the horizon and headed straight to the window."

It was the roaring sound of âBETH!â that snapped me out of my daydreaming. It was my mother calling for me.

âBethany Alexander, come down here now or you'll be sorryâ she hollered.

I jumped out of the chair beneath the window sill and dashed out of the room and into the corridor. Jumping down the stairs with its wobbly handrails, past the hallway with its scrubbed floors, into the kitchen (which smelled of sweet chicken) to find my Mama in her Sunday best; a blue-purple floral dress of many buttons. A black cloche hat with a veil, half-covering her rosy-tinted face, and a pair of slightly polished galoshes. I slid in as she just laid down the old china plate and a jug of milk on the table.

âBethâ she said, âIt's Sunday today, and I had to cook for breakfast when we get back from Church. I asked you to leave the milk bottles out last night, where were you?â

âSorry Mama", I said, "I was just....well I was reading..."

"You were reading again last night and dropped dead later on? Oh you can be hopeless Betty, just like your poor Father", she said, "no matter, you had plenty of sleep. Now go back to your room and put on that blue dress I made for you last Christmas".

"What!?" I squeaked, "Mama I don't like that dress, it's itchy and it makes me look depressing".

"Beth, would you please! I don't want to bicker now. Its' late, Church has already started, I was up all morning making breakfast and I don't want you complaining to me".

"I'm not complaining to you and I'm just saying that I don't want to wear that awful dress" I said.

"Bethany", she said, "You've been complaining to me about that dress for months now. I know it you don't like it and I'm sorry, but until your Father starts working again, and hopefully pours out that bottle of whatever it is, we'll have to make our own clothes. Until then, the dress will have to do, now please go put it on".

"But-"

"Please Beth, don't argue with me" she said, and glared at me with those eyes of hers.

Those hazel eyes were like a pair of cat's eyes to me, and I hated cats. I didn't want to argue with her, but I headed for the stairs anyway. A sour, pouty look painted on my face. I did not wanted to wear that dress she made for me, it was horrible and blue was not my favorite color. The moment I went upstairs, I stumped on one step and was about to kick the other above it had I not heard "Beth!" echoing from the kitchen. I always knew she had the senses of a wild lioness. She was a very observant woman, even with her eyes closed. I tell you if her eyes were sewn shut tight, she would tell a swan from a goose by simply hearing the flapping of the wings. Yeah, she was that keen of a woman, as I observed myself.

As I reached for the dress from my wardrobe, It felt kind of heavy on the one side of it. Strangely enough, I heard a croaking sound; there was big bloated shape in the left pocket of the dress. I reached into it, feeling a cold, slimy touch. Fishing the thing out what did I expect?

âEewwâ I shrieked.
Throwing it out of my hand and onto my bed, I shrieked some more.

âMama, Mama! Thereâs a toad in my bed!â

A giggle. I heard a giggle in my room. I looked around me to find the giggler. It came from underneath my bed. I lifted up the bed sheets up, and what did I find? Some freckled-face, buck-tooth midget of a brat smiling like a fox.

âI got you Bethieâ he said.
âImpie!â
âI got you and it was funny, heheheâ
âNot as funny when I box your ears you little weaselâ
âThen Iâll tell Ma and sheâs gonna be angry and your gonna get it g-â
âGet out of my bed Impieâ

After pulling him out under the bed by his suspenders, had not my Mother stormed in the room I would have clobbered the little worm.

âWhatâs going on here? Bethany why aren't you dressing?â
âMama, Impie played a nasty trick on me with that dirty toad; he put it in my-â
âAh, now Calvin, what did I say about bringing vermin in the house?â
âIt's no vermin Maâ he said,
âIt doesn't matter what it is, get that thing out of my house, and then go ask Susan to comb your hair you messed it up againâ

Calvin grabbed the toad from the bed and scattered out of the room, smiling back at me with pure deviant delight.

Answer
One less on the multitude of names for one person. (I guess you didn't feel a need to check why no one uses 20 names for one person.) Also very passive. Too many passive verbs. (I'm guessing you won't research why that's not good either.)

Have you considering studying how to write a good story? I can guarantee if you read just one book that teaches you how, this would improve by 500% and you won't feel the need to keep reposting it after making minor changes.

What are some good Fat free Vegan Salad Ideas?

kr1ss6

I am bored with salads lately and need to eat more. Anyone have any good ideas/recipes for fat free, low carb salads with some protein?
Any good fat free salad dressing recipes would be lovely too. Thanks!

And if you happen to have any good low carb, low fat vegan meal ideas, let me know too! :)

Answer
oo i've made a lot from this site: http://www.fatfreevegan.com/salads/index.shtml they are fat free and really good..they've got some great ideas! ^.^. Salads are fun and you can be as creative as you want with them..expand your horizons; add color, textures and different shaped vegetables and don't limit yourself to just veggies..add fruits/nuts/seeds/vegetable oils/dried fruits/beans...anything your little tummy desires!:D but keep it healthy. try making a different one everyday so that you don't get bored with food and you'll have some variation in your diet, bon'appetite! xoxoxoxâ¥

Powered by Yahoo! Answers